After last night, I could never be a politician.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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