So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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