im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
