I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
