While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize