rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
