Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
