oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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