there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
