How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
