sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
