ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
