you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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