I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
