Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
