my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
