so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize