i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
