At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
