I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
