i was born a porn star she said
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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