Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
