it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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