I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
