it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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