So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
