We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize