I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
