You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
