my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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