I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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