There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
