oh god the rape fog is back!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
