Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize