after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
