dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
