I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
