dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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