Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
