i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
