Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize