i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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