I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
