i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
