he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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