You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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