My room smells like vodka and shame
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
