Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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