Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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