I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
