We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
