I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
