i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
