I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
