I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
