Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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