she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
