Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
