does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
