I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
