is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
