woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
