apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
