I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
