oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Can you bring me the toilet please
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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