Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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