we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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