I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
